In The Beginning Chapter 1

I'd love to start my blog as an introduction. I'd love to let you all get to know who I am and how I got here, but let's face it, that's not what most of you came here to read. You want the good stuff. You want the sex, lies, and rock and roll. OK, maybe you didn't come here for rock and roll, but you certainly didn't come here for a psychological analysis of what makes a man do something like this, as if I even have such answers. Since I've already bored you for far too long I'll save those conversations for a later date, and get right into the one I'll always remember the most, my first...

The smell of vanilla and lavender somehow combined with her skin to make an intoxicating blend that had captured me. I stood behind her as she shot picture after picture. I was pretending to look at the 2.5 inch screen behind the camera and she was pretending she needed to test out this lens a few more times.

It was a dance we had played together since the first day we had met at the fourth of July party two months earlier. When we met, we had sat down on a rock by the River and had a beautiful conversation about life, photography, and all things beautiful. It was one of those conversations you didn't want to end, because you're almost as interested in the conversation as you are in the beautiful girl sitting next to you.

Yes, I did say almost. I like to think of myself as a good guy. I care about a woman's heart and soul, but no matter how many ways you slice it, I'm still a man. When a beautiful girl is sitting next to me, no matter how intriguing the conversation is, my mind is definitely on the way her legs look in that skirt. Then my mind wanders to how they would feel wrapped around my body.

Even two years later, I can remember her smile and the way her hair glowed in the sunlight. I couldn't shake her from my head for the next couple of weeks. No matter what I was doing at the time, all i wanted was to be right back on that rock again with her.

Being in the situation I was in, I had thought about such things in the past, but the longing had never stuck with me the way it did this time. She had cast a spell on me that only she could break.

One day I was tired of thinking and had decided it was time to do something. I pulled her name up on yahoo people search and found her phone number. I was so nervous as I dialed the number. I hadn't courted a woman since the 10th grade, and even then I wasn't very good at it.

I'm only calling her to see if she might be interested in my telephoto lens I haven't used in years. At least that's what I told myself to get my fingers to stop shaking. It was so easy to rationalize. I wasn't going to try to sleep with her. I just wanted to spend some time with her. I just wanted to feel alive again the way I did as I sat there on that rock, the way my chest tightened up, and the way the blood rushed through my body.

A simple conversation later I had set up for me to bring the lens to her house the next day, and that's pretty much what has led up to the moment I find myself in now, with her sweet smell drawing me closer and closer. I stared down at her neck as she took photo after photo. I was sure she could feel me breathing on her neck from behind. I was standing so close I could feel her body heat, but not quite close enough to touch her.

I was teasing myself, and teasing her in the process. She was pretending not to notice how close I had gotten. She wanted me closer the same way I wanted to be closer. The hunter within me saw her neck and wanted to devour it. I could feel the sexual tension, and I could tell she was feeling it too, but the rational person inside me kept telling me how off my radar just might be. After all, I hadn't really tested my radar on anybody but my wife in about 12 years, and I was almost always wrong when it came to her.

In my fear, the moment had passed. I was too paralyzed still to act on my desires. I kept hearing this little voice in my head. She knows your wife. If you're wrong about this, then you could lose everything. It was just too risky.

I stayed at her house for over an hour. We were taking pictures, and talking the whole time. Never a dull moment. She intrigued me to no end. Although I'll admit, I have no recollection of what we talked about. I just remember thinking, it's not every day you meet a woman who is both beautiful and deep.

As I drove away I was kciking myself for not making a move, and somehow at the same time patting myself on the back for avoiding temptation. The truth was, I hadn't avoided anything, I was just too chicken to act on my desires. Had she made a move, I would have been helpless to stop her.

Instead, I put myself back into this Purgatory. I was in this waiting place. Heaven was just on the horizon, and yet I had to wait until I was ready. It didn't take long to be ready. If I thought it was tough to shake her from my head before, now it was truly impossible.

Lucky for me, I still had a reason to see her again. I had left my lens with her to try out. I wanted to call her again the next day, but I played it cool. I agonized for a week, as I laid in bed every night imagining what it would be like to feel her body pressed against mine. I imagined what she would taste like, how good it would be to feel her flesh against my tongue.

After what seemed like a month, I gathered up the nerve once more, picked up the phone, and began dialing the numbers once more. My fingers were trembling a little less this time. The smile on my face was undeniable, as we talked about getting together again that afternoon to talk about the lens.

There I was, at her house again, and when she came to answer the door butterflies began fluttering around in my stomach that had been dormant for nearly a decade. All I wanted to do was grab her and kiss her. But there was still one more song to be played during this dance....